Ways to Love Your Lover (2)

Here are some nonsexual ways to cherish your wife through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, these are nonsexual so that you speak her romantic love language. It's important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that's not your goal. 

Put down the newspaper or turn off the computer, and say, "Why don't we go for a walk and talk? I'd love to hear about your day."

Compliment the way she handled the conversation.If you overhear her engaged in a difficult situation on the phone or with a child, 

Initiate daily prayer with her. This one spiritual discipline has transformed millions of marriages. Make a commitment, and then begin to pray together every day. Begin by giving thanks for her and your family, then pray with her about her worries and challenges. Ask her to pray for you about a challenge you are facing.

Say, "Thank you," after every meal she serves. Then help her clear the table or offer to do the dishes with her.

Tell her how much you appreciate her desire to handle it in a godly manner.If she has wrestled with a specific spiritual issue (such as gossip, envy, a lack of compassion).

Express appreciation for her doing the laundry and folding your clothing.

Each day try to say, "I love the way you _______ ," and fill in the blank with something you've observed.

When your wife irons your shirts or picks up the dry cleaning, say, "Thanks, Honey, for taking such good care of me."

When the alarm goes off in the morning, wrap your arm around her, press your body next to hers, and cuddle for several minutes. When you leave, say, "I wish I didn't have to go."

The next time you go to dinner, say, "You've had a tough day, Sweetie. Why don't you pick the spot tonight?"

When you are together in a crowd, find a way to brag on her. Say, "My wife is such an amazing cook," or "I've got the best wife—her ______ never ceases to amaze me."

The morning after making love, touch her tenderly, and tell her how wonderful it was to be with her.

With your wife in the room, tell your kids, "You've got the best mommy in the world. Isn't she great? I just love her so much."

Help her put the kids to bed each night.

Ways to Love Your Lover (1)

Here are some nonsexual ways to cherish your wife through words and acts of affirmation. And by the way, these are nonsexual so that you speak her romantic love language. It's important to remember that you are not doing these things to get something in return. Perhaps she will reciprocate in your language back to you, but that's not your goal.

Hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house. Research indicates that marriages that practice this simple discipline are much healthier than those that don't. If she's sleeping, leave her a note, or gently kiss her forehead and whisper, "Have a wonderful day, sweetheart."

Reach across the front seat of the car when you drive and hold her hand, even for a few moments. Allow your fingers to become entwined.

Write, "I'm crazy about you, Honey. You're the best!" or another personal message on a yellow sticky note. Attach it to her bathroom mirror.

Call her from work and say, "I've been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life. Thanks for all that you are as a woman and all that you do for me and our family."

Get a pair of tickets to a ball game, theater, or concert that she'd like to go to, make a sacrifice. Instead of going with a buddy, tuck them in her purse with a note saying, "You deserve a night off. Have fun with a girlfriend."

Go an entire day without criticizing anything about her. Instead, try to notice her doing something that you really appreciate, and tell her how much you value her.

Go to bed at the same time with her for a week; just talk or read a book and share the quietness together. Or play a card game that you used to play when you dated or were just married.

Brush her hair and compliment her hair and eyes.

While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss the back of her neck. Say, "God broke the mold after He made you. You are so beautiful."

Call her or send her an e-mail midafternoon and ask her how her day is going.

Try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning. Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.

Take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floor mats, and clean the windows. When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dash with just a heart and the words, "Thinking of you."

Write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this year.

Resurrect common courtesies. Start opening the car door for her as you did when you dated, pull out her chair for her at the dinner table, offer your arm while walking down stairs, and help her put her coat on.

If she's doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you're doing and offer to bring the hamper.

Things to Remember About Sex

It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex. And these differences can easily become a source of conflict in marriage.

What husbands should remember about sex;

Movies sex is made up. It’s a fantasy.

The people in romantic scenes in movies are actors. Don’t try to measure your marital sex against what you see in a romantic film.

Your wife needs a safe and secure relationship.

In order for her to engage in sex with heart and mind and body, she needs to know that you will be there for her, that you are committed to her, and that she is your one and only.

Your wife wants to have sex with a companion, not with someone who simply shares her mailing address. If you’re not spending time having fun together in all kinds of settings, she’s going to be less motivated to be with you sexually.

There is no secret formula to arousal.

If you think you have found a secret formula, and you attempt to repeat the recipe, your wife will change the secret. Women don’t want to be figured out. They also don’t want to be manipulated.

Your wife is insecure about her physical beauty. She sees all the flaws. Watch what you say to her.

What wives should remember about sex

Sex is God’s idea.

He created it and gave it as a good gift to husbands and wives in marriage. It is a key part of His plan for how we become one in marriage.

For most men, sex is a big deal

And it’s not because men are perverted or ungodly. God delights when a husband and wife enjoy marital intimacy.

 How you respond to your husband when he initiates sex is critical.

To be uninterested can communicate a lack of respect and honor for him. I’m not saying you need to say yes every time he initiates. But when you say no, explain why in a way that still affirms your desire for him.

Sex is a marital discipline.

 It’s a part of how we serve each other in marriage. It is wrong for a wife to use sex as a reward or a lack of sex as punishment. The Bible clearly teaches that husbands and wives are not to deprive each other in this area.

Men are visually oriented.

No matter how you see yourself, he is stimulated by sight. Again, God is the One who made men with a desire to see women naked. And the only legitimate way for your husband to satisfy this God-given desire is for you to let him see you naked.

Men in romance novels and soap operas are made up.

The strong, sensitive, caring men portrayed in most romance novels are fictional characters. No husband can live up to the near perfection an author presents.

Ways to Create a More Romantic Bedroom

The one place where marital fidelity is most intimate is the BEDROOM is often treated as a storeroom for clutter. Instead, the bedroom should be a place where love and romance are cultivated, encouraged, and celebrated. This is the ONE ROOM where you and your spouse can enjoy the relationship that God created for you to share, so there should be special attention paid to it.

Women are especially affected by the state of the bedroom because they feel connected to the home in a personal way. We often see the home as an extension of our personalities and style. The colors, wall decorations, furniture, pictures, etc., are all selected based on what we want others to know about us.

Put away clutter.

Everyone has them—stacks of bills, coupons, random newsletters that haven't been read … the list goes on. And since you don't want to forget about them (or maybe you just don't know where to store them), the default system is to make a stack on the dresser or CHEST OF DRAWERS in your bedroom. Perhaps the dirty laundry has found a gathering place on the floor next to the bed. And all those pictures, candlesticks, decorations, and children's painting that you are planning to find a place for have found their way to the tops of your bedroom furniture.

If you want a romantic bedroom, all of this clutter must go somewhere else. To help de-clutter, put large items in a BOX and store them in the hall closet or under the bed, and stack loose papers in tall baskets, preferably with lids, that can double as hiding spaces and decor.

By simply straightening up the room, you'll be less burdened without the constant reminders of looming projects and feel more relaxed.

Don't use your bedroom as storage.

 This is similar to the previous suggestion, except this is a more permanent problem. As much as possible, remove stored items from your room. This requires an investment of time. Take a day to sort through the stored items and decide which need to be put away in their proper place, given away or sold, or moved someplace else for continued storage. Then take advantage of hidden spaces in your house to store the leftover items. Use places such as:

Space under beds. Invest in storage boxes that are made to fit under the bed and roll for easy access. If you are storing toys and children's clothing, utilize this space in children's rooms, as well.

Trunks. Depending on the size, trunks can double as tables and/or decorations in a bedroom or living area. It gives both an aesthetic value and a practical one.

Baskets. This is another valuable de-cluttering item. You can fill baskets with storage and put them on a bookshelf or under tables as decorations.

Choose colors that soothe.

 The color scheme you choose for your bedroom is as IMPORTANT as the decorations. The reason is that colors have a way of connecting with emotions. Sharon Hanby-Robie and Deb Strubel, authors of Beautiful Places, Spiritual Spaces write, "Decorate your home with the colors you and your family love. It doesn't matter what the latest trends are or what the FASHIONgurus think. What does matter is that you love your home and that your choices make sense for you and your family."

If you don't know what colors and styles you like, start looking through home magazines and catalogs. Tear out the pages that have colors and designs you are drawn to. Soon, you will begin to see a pattern develop, and you can use these ideas to decorate your own bedroom.

Use decorations to remind you of special memories.

 Frame and display photos from your wedding and honeymoon, or from other special times together.  Frame a copy of your wedding vows. They will remind you of how your love blossoms and grows over the years.

Take out the television. Spending time in front of the television keeps the attention off of your lives and onto shadows of life. Before you know it, your time together before bed slips away through the world of media. Bob DeMoss, author of T.V.: The Great Escape, wrote, "I am convinced that the simple decision to unplug TV [even] for just one month has the power to revolutionize our relationships with our spouse, our children, our world, and most IMPORTANTLY with our God." Just by the simple act of removing the TV, you open up free time to reconnect with your spouse in a special way without distractions. 

Play romantic music. There is something in music that can make or break the mood in a room. In his book A Minute of Margin, Dr. Richard A. Swenson writes, "We can't explain what [music] is, where it comes from, or why it works. One person warbles her vocal chords while another blows on his pipe—and somehow it soothes. Music is free, is equally available to every person, and has a powerful healing effect on the human spirit."

Whether you use a full stereo set with surround sound, or simple iPod speakers, find a way to play music in your bedroom. Choose a variety of music that soothes both you and your spouse, whether it's a collection of standards, classical, or soft rock, and don't forget to include songs that carry special meanings and memories. Make it a habit of putting on your favorite tunes to both relax and create a loving mood.

Wear an attitude to match.

 A beautiful bedroom only provides half the romance. If you give your spouse the cold shoulder, or use the bedroom to manipulate to get what you want, it will not be the warm place of love that it was meant to be. Work to make your time in the bedroom a time of building up your marriage emotionally and spiritually. Pray together regularly, avoid getting into conflicts before bedtime, and make efforts to communicate in loving ways. If you practice these things, no matter how your bedroom looks to the eye, the heart will recognize it as a place of true love.

Rebuilding a Marriage

I was devastated when my husband told me out of the blue four years ago that he did not want to be married any more. He had an irrepressible urge to be free and start a new life but was scared to act on it in case he regretted throwing everything away. We had always been so close, I could not comprehend what was happening. I scoured the internet for an explanation only to discover that he had all the symptoms of a mid-life crisis, even though he was only 35. It was terrifying to read about the anguish it caused, how it ripped couples apart, and terrifying that there was absolutely nothing I could do; it was something he had to sort himself.

When, after two and a half years of indecision, he finally decided to leave and end our relationship, I was shattered. Every source I consulted emphasized the partner’s need for space to resolve their crisis, but offered no advice as to how I could stand back and give them that space when I was so distressed myself. It was then that I stumbled on a Personal Tao and Casey’s rich teachings on midlife transition. He showed an understanding of the crisis that I could relate to. The idea of a spiritual divorce offered me a gleam of hope and I wrote to Casey asking for help. He showed me how to get through the pain by focusing on myself and my own growth. At first I was grieving so much it was impossible for me to think of anything but the partner and marriage I had lost. But Casey was patient and gentle and his instructions simple and practical, and with his encouragement I was gradually able to redirect my attention to my own life.

I came away from every skype session feeling brighter and more hopeful that life would get better. I had so many questions and Casey always had an answer. His tapes on what to do when your partner leaves and what to say when you talk to your partner proved invaluable: not only did they afford me an insight into the situation and offer me practical guidance I could follow, I could listen to them whenever I panicked and calm myself down. I learned that my husband needed to push me away in order to find himself. Knowing this, I was able to keep off the subject of our relationship when we spoke. With the pressure off, our talks became more lighthearted and pleasurable.

For the first eight months my husband and I only spoke over the phone, mostly at his initiative, and then after a chance meeting, we arranged to meet now and then. After eighteen months apart, my husband feels by and large healed, and we are now getting back together, this time based on our needs instead of expectations. After such a deep crisis and long separation, it feels like a miracle. It was the hardest time of my life. I was so broken, following Casey’s advice was a leap of faith. But Casey’s insights have proved correct and his strategies have worked. Over the past eighteen months, I have learned to be patient and discovered the rewards of letting things unfold over time instead of forcing the situation; I have become less needy and emotionally more self-sufficient; I have explored new activities and rediscovered old interests. Casey has enabled me not only to get through the pain, but to come out on the other side feeling whole, more realistic and in a better position to start again.

I am deeply grateful to Casey for his great wisdom, and wonderfully kind and patient support and encouragement. The few sessions I have had with his wife Jewelie were similarly insightful and supportive. I feel extremely privileged to have had them both at my side throughout this journey and I sincerely hope that others facing the ordeal of mid-life crisis will not hesitate to call on them for their life-saving and life-changing guidance.

Happily and Unhappily in Love

Finding a partner to happily share life with is a challenge.Until taking the time to be with yourself and be content with yourself… focusing in on the inability to find another person to be happy with… is just an excuse to not to work on yourself…

People seek Happily, Happily, Happily , Happily, Happily

 and all they get repeatedly is

Unhappily, Unhappily, Unhappily, Unhappily, Unhappily

A simple truth of Happily is…

Strangely, many people are happy at being unhappy.

It’s a personal choice. No one can magically fix being in an unhappy state if how you focus your efforts reinforces unhappy.

Be happy with who you are (Hint: it isn’t happiness, rather seek acceptance)…

and then over time find the partners that match your nature.

Or be happy at being unhappy and always be in a shitty relationship. Many people think they are working towards #1 but instead just focus at living in #2.As Yoda said ”There is no try, just do” Pick 1 or 2 and work at being in the zone you want to hold… Of course people at #2 never will admit they are happy … since they are unhappy.. It’s the perfect catch-22.

Enough said.

Plenty of people dwell and make their business in this zone of unhappiness. It isn’t worth spending much time propping up unhappiness. Oh it’s possible to spend lots of money going to counselors and psychologists reinforcing such bad behavior. But it’s a waste of relationship (time) to do so… No one can save a person not ready to be save… and likewise no cure exists for a person working actively at being unhappy… Which is why Taoism is so effective helping people since Taoism teaches how to release such behavior…

But only if a person is ready to release…

Here is a powerful trick from Taoism.  Happy and Sad define each other. To have one is to discover the other. So release each to a stronger root: Acceptance in this case. Living with acceptance, adding in a dash of grace… and you get what most people try to force as being happy.

Happily ever after really truly means:

Acceptance of each other and Graceful sharing over time.

How to find your soulmate

The first truth in how to find your soulmate is to understand the nature of a soulmate. It’s strange but most people don’t really sit down to figure out what a soulmate really is. As a result, people often force the wrong person into fitting the soulmate mold. If you want to know how to find your soulmate, then you need to actually “know”, rather than wing it in understanding what a soulmate is.

A soulmate is more than just physical chemistry, it includes mind (our stories) and spiritual (our flow) chemistry also. However, in the beginning of many relationships physical chemistry does tend to have the most powerful vote of the three aspects of our nature. Sadly physical chemistry is only enough to get two people 7 years along in their relationship (Hence the 7 year itch). To make the distance of 20 or more years you truly need mind, body and spirit all to agree on the chemistry.

Additionally, relationships with soulmates are still a relationship. All relationships have issues, even the best ones. A soulmate relationship might have fewer problems than most relationships, but even a soulmate relationship will have its challenges.

Taking time to be your own person.

 A soulmate compliments you. Your strength works with their strength. To focus in on your weakness, means you won’t find your soulmate. To live to your weakness is to find a person who compliments your weaknesses. Such a relationship is a co-dependent relationship. Co-Dependent relationships always burn out or move on in the end. Co-Dependency at first feels balanced, but the problem is as you change it spins out of control. So ironically for Co-Dependency to survive also means to always be staying within your weakness.

      Our soulmates will help us work out of our issues, help us acknowledge them and then find healthy ways to work with our flaws to always be growing. A soulmate will never hold us back in our issues. A soulmate will never always stop us from making mistakes. We need to learn form our mistakes and grow.

Non Judgment.

 We think we know who compliments us, we judge others who would be our best mate. Ironically people are blind to the missing aspects of their own soul and issues. It’s hard to use logic and find the person who compliments you. This is why dating services do such a poor job using algorithms to find a partner for others.

    Now a problem happens during the harder times of life.The harder points of life are when we judge our partners the most. Also if you happen to be at a point of life of great change or crisis such as adolescence, quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis, everything is shifting too fast to make sense of any of it. No one can know who their soulmate when they are in the middle of crisis. (this is why soulmates seem to break in crisis). Acceptance of a soulmate comes after crisis is passed, after you release all measurements of who is best for you. You cannot measure clothing for a child as if they were an adult! Likewise you don’t measure partners while you or they are in great change. Picking a person who is best for you in the middle of any crisis doesn’t match very well for later after you have grown up from your crisis.

 Awareness.

 In the end, without awareness a person is moving blindly in their life. Part of awareness is to explore and to be willing to meet and talk to different people in order to both understand chemistry and how we react to others. Awareness lets us work to our essence. To make sure that when we do find a deep connection, that the connection is complete of mind, body and spirit.

    Most importantly awareness, as a practice, is about connection. Without awareness equally from both parties, a relationship is blind and only one sided at best and will fail.

     Understand a person in crisis or midlife change has their attention totally focused on what they feel are required changes in their transformation. A person in midlife change will move away or fight back to reclaim their space from anyone, including soul partners, who gets in way of this personal reconfiguration process. This is why mid life transformation can and does break soul partners apart. One person needs to change while the partner resists the change. Two powerful mind states that come into direct conflict and it isn’t a fun time to experience at all.

 Patience and Acceptance.

Once one is patient enough to accept their life, relationships improve dramatically.

A profound truth:

Not every potential soul companion you come across will actually become a soul companion. It all depends on timing, conditions and other factors at the moment of meeting.

        Once you have taken the time to be your own person and grow. It improves the chances of your soul companion noticing you. After you have learned to be aware and not just react. It improves your chances of spotting a soul companion. It takes both of you to connect and for awareness of what that connection means for the process to truly begin. Once you have become patient, it improves the odds that conditions will be right to embrace your soul companion fully.

Signs of health relationship (1)

1. You don’t have to see each other every day. 

If you can, then why not? But you don’t have to nag each other about you or your partner coming over just because you haven’t seen a glimpse of each other for the day (yet). For long-distance relationships, if you can insert that five-minute FaceTime before you head for work (and before he hits the sack), then great. However, you don’t feel it a requirement for you to start your day right and for him to cap his day off with it.

 And this isn’t about not making time for seeing each other, it’s just that you’ve reached a point in your relationship when you’ve realized the difference about being there and being clingy. Minus the Skype, FaceTime and whatever video call apps you use, you are present. And he knows that.

2. You don’t have to update each other of the most minute of details...

 ...like if you’ve already eaten, what you had for lunch, etc. every. single. day. You aren’t absorbed in the world you’ve created just for you and your boyfriend. Your boyfriend coexists with all the other characters and elements of your world. He’s a part of it  maybe a major part of it  but not it.

3. You don’t impose your friends to be his friends and vice versa.

 If they can be friends by themselves without your pushing and shoving them together, wouldn’t that be a bonus? But you respect both your guy and your friends and know that how you relate to his friends (or how he does to yours) isn’t an area where anyone could pass a judgment to your compatibility as a couple.

4. You don’t (try to) impress each other with the most expensive of gifts.

 If both of you can afford it is a different story. What I’m saying is there are some couples who spoil each other (or just the other) with very pricey items when that single present already equates to a month’s total of his or her net pay. You’ve reached a maturity with finances and both of you would rather plan on your anniversary getaway or a major investment for your future.

5. You don’t use any filter when you talk.

 Finances filter, family filter, girlfriends/boyfriends filter, exes-filter, etc — everything is out in the open. Honesty has always been the best policy.

6. You don’t torture yourself with boredom to death by pretending to like what he likes.

 Your guy enjoys video games; you enjoy your books. Your guy enjoys outdoor sports; you enjoy a cup of coffee in your little nook. He listens to pop music; you worship The Script. While you give a chance for each other to get a peek of your world, you don’t force him into being in yours.

7. You don’t care what he sees anymore when you’re without makeup and/or fresh from slumber.

 You’re past those days when you thought that you always have to put your ‘best face’ forward. You’ve become comfortable with being all natural. You’ve seen your beauty without makeup in his eyes.

Love Life Cycle (Part 9)

• Nothing more beautiful than a confident girl who doesn't pretend to be something she's not, down to earth, & lets no guy define who she is.
• Tips4guys, Never give her a reason to doubt your feelings for her. cause even if your love is for real. she'd rather leave than deal with the pain.
• Girls... Go for someone who is not only proud to have you, but will also take every risk just to be with you.
• Guys, Its better to have your heart broken once by walking away than to stay and have it broken over and over again.
• Girls are superheroes. Because who else could bleed for 5 days and not die? 
• How girls answer questions: Are you free tomorrow?" "No, I'm very expensive!
• Girls.... Before you ask someone why they hate you, ask yourself why you even really care.???
• Guys... Don't bother making space in ur heart for someone who doesn't make an effort to stay.
• Guys, the day you tell a girl you like her maybe the happiest day of her life...
• "The worst thing you could ever do to a girl is, compare her with another girl.".
• Some girls can't sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have Internet connection....
• Men hate when girls act dumb because they think it's cute.
•  Call a girl pretty and she will remember it for 5 minutes. Call a girl ugly and she will remember it forever....
• When a woman loses respect for you as her man, she will then begin to feel less attraction for you and when that happens, she will gradually begin to fall out of love with you.
• Maintaining a woman’s respect is essentially about being a strong, honest man that she can look up to, rather than a wimpy, unreliable man that she looks down on.
• Things like cooperation, kindness, communication, respect of her feelings, compromise, truly loving and accepting her for who she is and giving her your full trust are also elements that ensure she will continue to feel respect for you as a man. 

Lessons of failed relationships

When relationships end with significant others or friends, we are often left wondering how to pick up the pieces. We turn to friends and family who offer kind messages and sage advice on how to move on with our lives, but there are overlooked lessons we forget about as we process our breakups. 

1. Over analysis is the enemy of progress.

When a relationship ends, we may spend countless hours dissecting countless situations in an attempt to discover what went wrong. Our minds act like detectives, revisiting scenes and hypothetical situations to find clues and witnesses that attest to what caused the relationship’s end. We recruit friends to become therapists, as we relentlessly analyze our feelings about the one who is no longer a part of our lives. The hours we spend examining and re-examining the past are part of the healing process, but overdoing it can prevent us from living in the present and moving toward the future. Instead of spending hours trying to understand why a relationship ended, we can spend some of that time better understanding who we are without that person in our lives.

2. Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.

 If we leave a failed relationship feeling demoralized, disheartened and undervalued, we may also question if anyone will ever love and value our qualities, quirks and specialness (of course the answer to that is yes, someone will). Rather than looking to others to validate what makes us lovable and unique, we have to look in the mirror and start with ourselves. Treating ourselves the way we want others treat us means that we give ourselves compassion, love, patience and care. It also means that we create moments and experiences where we are able to shine and be our best selves.

3. Don’t fall into the blame game trap.

When we end a relationship with someone, we may try to assign blame by pointing fingers at ourselves or the other person involved. When we blame the other person, we can find ourselves getting angry or feeling justified for our own mistakes and transgressions. When the finger is pointed at ourselves, we feel guilt and shame, wondering if it was our own doing that caused the breakup. Yet, each perspective prevents us from understanding the key factors that contributed to a relationship ending, and from learning important lesson that can be used to strengthen current and future relationships.

4. Healing is not a linear process. 

The end of a relationship brings with it a spectrum of feelings where our emotions go from grief to relief, sadness to joy, and anger to excitement. As we travel along those spectrums, we may find that one day we feel like we’re on top of the world, to then feel instantly distressed when we see reminders of a past relationship. In that moment, we feel as if all of the progress we’ve made has gone down the drain, which is further from the truth. The healing process does not follow a straight line. Instead, it is more like a roller coaster where we can experience a multitude of feelings all at once.

5. You may relapse, and that is okay.

After we break off a relationship, we may vow to never see the other person again, and throw away mementos and keepsakes that remind us of him or her. However, a situation may occur within our lives that only that person will understand, or a holiday arrives where we feel compelled to see how he or she is doing. Infrequent text messages turn into phone calls, which become coffee dates, which lead to hanging out on a regular basis. Then old harmful issues arise, which cause us to feel so naïve, guilty, and ashamed for trying to rekindle something that should’ve remained in the past. When beat ourselves up over our relapses into old relationships, we should remind ourselves that each step back teaches us about recovery, as they give us the opportunity to know better in case there is a next time.

6. Remember the good, and not just the bad and ugly. 

Thinking about a failed relationship often causes us to recall how it ended and not how it began, or we focus on the other person’s negative qualities rather than appreciating the good ones. Sometimes, even if we have something more positive to say about our former friend or partner, we add a qualifier to our statement—“Marsha is a so creative, but was a horrible listener.” Focusing on someone’s negative qualities shows that we are still holding onto the anger and hurt that the relationship caused. Remembering the good allows us to keep a healthier perspective about the relationship. It also indicates that we’ve truly moved on from our failed relationship because we are no longer holding on to those negative feelings.

7. Forgiveness is the greatest gift to give yourself.

True forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to ourselves because it means that we can let go of past hurts that impact the potential for present happiness. In forgiving ourselves for our mistakes or perceived transgressions, we give ourselves permission to recognize our humanity. We realize that life goes on, and that tomorrow is another day to learn a brand new lesson. In forgiving others we are able to release the power they have within our hearts and minds. That is not to say that we should try to be best friends with someone that’s done something hurtful to us. However, it means that we should let the anger, hurt, and disappointment be transformed into something brighter, lighter, and more meaningful so we do not carry that pain within us.

8. Happy diversions are great, until they are not. 

When a relationship ends, we may immerse ourselves in work, household projects, or hobbies. We become more social, trying to find new experiences, activities and people to fill the space in our lives left empty by the person we lost. In those moments we feel happy and excited to explore our interests and undertake new ventures. However, if we have not coped with the pain of a failed relationship, these happy diversions can bury feelings of hurt and sadness, until the day comes when they rise to the surface, putting us in a place of despair. Therefore, we should do those things that make us feel good about ourselves, while also processing the pain of a failed relationship.

Secrets of successful relationship or marriage

Before I begin, however, it’s important to dispel a common relationship myth relationships are (or should be) easy. That is simply not true. The grass always looks greener in other people’s lives, because few people share the truth of the amount of work that goes into relationships (hence why 50% of marriages end in divorce). Relationships  even the best relationships in the world require constant attention, nurturing, and work. If you can understand and accept the need for constant attention and work in your relationship, you’re started in the right direction.

1. Compromise

 Relationships are about not only taking, but also giving. If you find yourself not giving very much, or feeling resentful of how much you give and how little you receive back, you may be in an unequal relationship where one side is taking more than they are giving.

For instance, couples sometimes mistakenly believe that “love” will help them deal with any issue that comes up, and that if the other person truly loved you, they would just do as you ask. But people are independent with their own unique needs and personalities. Just because we found someone we want to spend our lives with doesn't mean we give up our own identity in the process.

2. Communicate

 Relationships live and die not by the sword, but by the amount of discussion. If two people can’t find a way to openly and honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship doesn't stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to communicate regularly, openly, and directly.

 This doesn't mean waiting for an argument to tell your significant other how much he bothers you with his throwing his clothes on the floor instead of the hamper. It means telling him when you feel the need to, and to do so in a manner that is respectful but assertive.

3. Choose Your Battles Carefully

 After marriage or when two people move in together, couples tend to discover pretty much the same thing no matter who they are – that they are two different people and living together is harder than anyone ever told them. Love conquers a lot of things, but it is no match for living day-in and day-out with another human being (especially if you've spent years on your own).

 Prepare yourself for this challenge by choosing what arguments you want to turn into a full blown battle. For instance, do you really want to start a fight over the toothpaste cap or how clean the shower is? Or would you rather reserve your energy for the discussions over finances, kids, and career paths (you know, the things that might really matter to a person). Too many couples fight and bicker over the dumbest things, especially when put into context of issues of true importance.

4. Don’t Hide Your Needs

 Sometimes when we enter into a long-term relationship, we put ourselves second, behind the other person’s needs and desires. We might give up working to have a child, or agree to move to another city to help support our significant other’s career. And that’s fine, but you need to be realistic first with yourself about whether such things really matter to you or not. If they do, you need to find a way to communicate such needs with your partner, and compromise where possible.

 Two people will rarely have exactly the same wants and desires out of life that’s just a fantasy. Instead, expect that sometimes your two paths will diverge. Express your needs at those crucial moments, but always find a way to do so respectfully and with an open mind.

5. Don’t underestimate the importance of trust and honesty

 Different people have different areas of concern, but almost everyone values trust and honesty from their partner above all. Why? Because your partner is the one person you want to be able to depend upon in the long-term, without question or doubt.

 Little things where your significant other hasn’t been completely honest shouldn’t be blown out of proportion, because virtually everybody tells little white lies (especially when one is dating). Focus instead on the big things, like if they say they’re a lawyer and you discover they’ve never even passed the bar, or they say they like kids but later on insist on never having one.

Strong relationships are like a really good conversation with someone you admire, trust and cherish – they are ever-changing, engaging, wonderfully rewarding and sometimes surprising. But in order to continue the conversation because you want to see what the person has to say next, you have to respect your significant other’s opinion even when you disagree with it.

And just like a good conversation, you need to work on keeping your end up too. You need to show attention and nurture the relationship constantly, just as you would nurture anything you value in life. You don’t just “get married” and that’s the end of it. Indeed, marriage is just the beginning of a long process of learning to openly and honestly communicate with another person in a respectful and caring manner.

If you’re up for it and follow these tips, you’ll be on a road to having a more successful relationship or marriage.

Love over religion

Surely you’d like to find the love of your life, someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. And when you do find that person, you’d probably try your best to overcome the obstacles that might be ahead of you. Maybe that obstacle can be in the form of the family not approving of your significant other. Or maybe it’s distance – you found someone on the Internet. Or maybe it’s financial – you have the love but find it hard to maintain the relationship. Problems like that can be easily overcome as long as you have the desire to get past them.

What if the problem is in the form of religion? As in, you love this guy/girl, you want to marry him/her, but s/he won’t, because the both of you are of different faiths. The only way is to convert to his/her religion. Would you?

In Tanzania, you cannot marry a Muslim without being a Muslim yourself. So if you aren’t a Muslim to begin with, you have to convert in order to marry your significant other. And vice versa you can’t marry a Christian if you are not a Christian. Many people have gone through this path though there is an easiest method of joining up through government approval.

But what if you don’t believe in the faith of your significant other’s? Would you convert in order to be with the person you love? Or is your faith more important than a potential life partner? After all, if there’s no such thing as The One, surely there would be someone else for you out there?

But are you willing to risk regretting letting go of someone because you are not willing to accept his or her faith?

In reality, most of us would probably choose not to choose, but just put yourself in that spot for the moment… can you see yourself doing one or the other?

Love Life Cycle (8)

• TIPS FOR GUYS, When a girl says "I'm cold", you're not suppose to say "me too". Just give her a big big hug...
• Ladies if you can consume alcohol around a man & he won't try to take advantage of you, you know you can trust him.
• Gentlemen: The little things that go unnoticed are usually the ones that break the heart the most.
• Guys, Never underestimate the power of a woman's INTUITION. Some women can recognize game before you even play it.
• Girl: How much do you love me? Guy: Well, look at the stars & count them, that's how much I love you. Girl: but, its morning. Guy: Exactly...
• Ladies, Don't let your hormones turn into WHOREMOANS...
• Girls.. when a boy is really into you, he'll always find a way to have time for you. No excuses, no LIES!...
• Guys, if a girl flirts with you, its a complement. If you´re not interested, accept it but dont flirt back.
• One guy can make you hate all the guys, but one man can teach you that not all guys are the same, be that man.
• Girls, think of your man like a balloon. Once you let go, he's not coming back.
• Never lie to her, Trust me. If she finds out, you're fucked.
• When a man says that he can't live without you, He has made up his mind that you are his future.
• Tips4guys: Don't be shy all the time. sometimes it's cute, but sometimes a girl wants her man to act like a man.
• Don't treat your girl like rubbish coz another man will just recycle her...
• Every men in the world desires a girl who is physically a virgin and mentally a whore.

How to make someone fall in love with you

Sometimes we meet someone and we just know it's love. However, it isn't always easy to see the wonderful qualities of the people right there in front of us. Therefore, it is good to know about some of the ways that can make it more likely that someone will fall in love with you automatically. Just remember that there is no way to make someone fall in love with you. All you can do is try to create the right conditions and see what happens.

Being Lovable

Take good care of yourself. Physical appearance plays a huge role in whether or not someone will be attracted to someone else.How well you care for your physical health and appearance is something that people can see right away, so it is worth putting some extra time and energy into while you are trying to attract someone. People will notice if you don’t care for yourself and this may make someone lose interest.To ensure that you look your best, exercise, eat right, practice proper hygiene and wear clean, flattering clothing.Don't be afraid to capture attention.

Make sure that your personality shines through and he/her knows about your likes and dislikes. Being passionate about something is very attractive and others will take notice.Be proud of your accomplishments and confident in your abilities. Confidence is something that people admire, so don’t be shy about what you have accomplished.Be kind. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. If you want others to treat you with care and respect, you should start treating others this way way, too. People are more likely to fall in love with other people who have great personalities, who are polite, and who are kind to others.

Preparing for Emotional Hurdles

Don't act like you're not bothered. So many people do this. Pretending that you don't care or aren't bothered about the relationship does NOT help and makes the other person feel a burden and this will NOT work.

Be emotionally available. Relationships are hard. Before trying to get someone to fall in love with you, be sure that you are ready for one. If you are too hung up on a past relationship, are more interested in dating someone else, or just not ready for commitment, don't try to get someone to fall in love with you.

Consider how you feel about this person. Do you love him or her? You will want to be sure that you feel romantic love for the person and not just the love felt between close friends. It can often be difficult to tell the difference. If you don’t love the person yet, then consider slowing things down. If it is meant to be then you will both develop feelings together.

Think about your motives. Think about why you want to be in a relationship. If you only want a person to love you in order to feel better about losing another relationship or to make someone jealous, then getting that person to fall in love with you is a bad idea. This is inconsiderate towards the very real feelings they may end up developing. If you want someone to fall in love with you because you want to be with someone for a long time and have a mutually supportive relationship, then go ahead.

Consider your goals. Determine your long-term goals for the relationship. If you can't see it lasting, there isn't much sense in trying to make someone fall in love with you. This is emotionally cruel to both yourself and the other person. There is nothing wrong with casual dating; if you want to date someone but don’t see it lasting, just enjoy it for what it is and don’t try to make it more serious. You don’t need to be in love to keep dating.

Believe that there are other people. Sometimes we have feelings for someone are not returned. This is okay. You shouldn't feel like it's the end of the world or that there's no one else for you. There are an awful lot of people on this planet, after all. If someone doesn't return your feelings you should understand that it wasn't meant to be and that you wouldn't have been all that happy together. You'll find someone else before you know it and wonder why you ever felt upset in the first place.

Don’t try to be someone you are not to get someone to fall in love with you. Make sure that the person you decide to be with is compatible with you as you are.

Developing a Bond

Get to know the person better. The first step in getting someone to love you is to get to know the person better and allowing the person to get to know you. Getting to know someone takes time and energy because you will have to ask the right questions and listen well.Ask about what your love interest wanted to be as a child and what he or she wants to do now. This will tell you about the person’s hopes and dreams, as well as other things that he or she wants to get out of life.

Ask about likes, dislikes, interests, s, and goals.

Share the person’s passions. Show an interest in the things that your love interest loves and learn to appreciate the things that make him or her happy. Don’t fake your interest because people can often tell when you are not really interested in something. Try to experience the person’s interests through his or her eyes and share in that passion. This will give you something to bond over and put you on the path towards love.

For example, if the person is a big fan of a sport that you don’t know much (or anything) about, ask him or her to tell you more about it or teach you how to play. Or, if the person is really into a certain kind of music, listen to a lot of that music and find some songs that you like too.

Treat the person like a hero. Make your significant other feel like your hero/heroine when they’re around you. Let him or her help you with schoolwork (to make him or her feel smart), ask for personal advice (to make him or her feel wise), and ask for help or advice on subjects that are particularly important to the person (to give him or her a chance to demonstrate expertise). Asking for clothing advice or help reaching or opening containers are also ways that you can make your significant other feel useful and capable.

Create trust. Trust is an essential component in a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Learn to trust your significant other and show that you trust him or her with your words and actions. Make sure that you show your significant other that you are trustworthy as well.

If your significant other tells you a secret, keep it. If you find out something that embarrasses him or her, don’t bring it up or tease him or her about it.

Share your secrets with your significant other and reveal parts of yourself that no one else sees. Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your significant other and let him or her comfort you.

Support your significant other during difficult times. Offering support is very important to creating true love between two people. Most people want to be in relationships to begin with because they like having someone to support them. If you can be supportive and caring to your significant other, this will go a long way towards getting the person to fall in love with you.

Sometimes you can support someone by offering to just listen and provide physical comfort. But other times, you may need to do something more. For example, if your significant other is struggling in school, you may need to help him or her study.

Loving Your Significant Other

Respect your significant other. Respect is important in a loving relationship. Always give your significant other a chance to speak and have an opinion, and when he or she talks, make sure that you listen. Respecting your significant other also means never giving him or her a reason to think that you're unfaithful. It's fun to flirt with other people, but if they see you flirting with everyone who walks down the street then they're never going to want to commit to you.

Be a good friend. You should give your significant other the same consideration you would give a good friend. This means that you should always be there for them and be unselfish in your actions. But be a good friend to your significant other because you want him or her to be happy, not because you want something from them.

Remember that you are two separate people. No one wants to feel trapped in a relationship. This is why many people keep themselves from getting too serious. If you give your significant other the freedom to do the things he or she loves, you will go far in making the person feel comfortable with the idea of loving you. Respect your significant other’s independence; don’t try to change them and certainly don’t invade their privacy. They are allowed to have secrets and things that are just theirs.

Embrace your significant other just as he or she is. Celebrate the good things about your significant other and try to accept the things that annoy you. Don’t try to get your significant other to change for you.For example, don’t force your significant other to change his or her diet or personal style. If you make suggestions along these lines and he or she says “no”, respect that and don’t bring it up again.

Honor your significant other’s need for alone time and personal space. Alone time and personal space are important for both of you, so don’t try to make your significant other give up his or her personal time to spend more time with you. Be respectful of your significant other’s personal space as well and don’t try to rearrange your significant other’s room or go through his or her things.

Do things on your own or with your friends a couple of times each week. Don’t force your significant other to spend every waking moment with you or he or she may feel suffocated.

Keeping Them in Love

Appreciate your significant other. Don't ever take the person for granted. If someone falls in love with you, you’ll need work to maintain that love. The best way to keep someone in love with you is to never, ever take the person for granted. Show the person that you appreciate him or her every day.

For example, say thank you when your significant other does something nice for you. Make sure that the “thank you” is sincere and specific. For example, “Thank you for putting away the dishes and making coffee this morning! That made my morning so much easier! I really appreciate it.”

Spend quality time together. Just because you’re both in love and your relationship seems stable and at its peak doesn’t mean you should stop putting in an effort. Continue to go on dates, buy each other flowers, and things like that. This will show your significant other that you still care and are still invested in the relationship.

Most importantly: tell your significant other “I love you” every day.

Keep things exciting. Don’t just do the same things you always do. Routines can be nice, relaxing, and even comforting but it’s important to break out every now and again and do something new and exciting together. This shows your significant other that there are still things to look forward to in the relationship and that their lives won’t stagnate by being with you. It can also help recapture some of the excitement associated with first falling in love.

Do something daring like skydiving or rock climbing. Take up dance classes or learn to paint together.

Learn something new together, like furniture building, which can be used to fill your living space with things you create together.

Try introducing a board game night, which will give you the chance to have fun together and indulge your competitive sides.

Beginning a Romance

Find someone that's right for you. Finding the right person will increase your chances of being able to fall in love, be loved, and stay in love. The person you choose needs to be ready for a serious relationship, able to cope with the emotional stress of a relationship, and compatible with you. If the person does not meet these requirements, then you will be wasting your time and you may end up getting hurt.Think about your compatibility: do you enjoy the same things? Do you have the same goals in life? People that make good couples tend to be kind of the same in terms of how they handle drama and what they prioritize in their life.

Set up a date. To set up a date, don't beat around the bush: be straightforward and specific. Suggest a concrete activity that is entertaining for both of you and be honest about why you want the person to come. Taking control of the situation like this shows that you are confident, which is an admirable quality.

Tell your special someone something like, "Hey, I'd really like to go to the zoo this weekend and I would love it if you'd be my date."

Be a great date. From the very first date, you want to be someone that's fun to be around. Even before your date you will want to create opportunities to spend time together in a way that shows just how wonderful you are.

Choose date activities that will be fun for both of you. If you don't know each other very well, choose something that will give you and your date something to talk about: like a movie. If you do know each other well, choose something that's outside the norm for both of you. This may allow them to see you in a new light

Try a thrilling date, such as an action movie or a trip to an amusement part. These activities have been shown to increase feelings of attraction between two people.

Things You Must Never Tell A Tomboy!

When do you call a girl 'Tomboy'? A tomboy is a girl who exhibits characteristics or behaviors considered typical of a boy,including wearing masculine clothing and engaging in games and activities that are physical in nature and are considered in many cultures to be unfeminine or the domain of boys. When she is boyish in her demeanor, prefers bikes than cars, hates makeup, plays sports or have a boyish haircut. Actually, it is often based on the kind of vibes that she gives you. There are certain things that you must never say to a tomboy girl. The reason behind this is that boyish girls do not like to feel offended.

If you are trying for a tomboy girl or already dating a tomboy, then keep in mind that there are few things you should never say in front of her. They are valuable relationship tips to avoid problems with your girlfriend later.

1. Women Drivers: Imagine this situation where you are taking her out for a drive. A lady driver overtakes you in the worst possible way. You swear at the lady concerned and say, 'women drivers, they never learn'. That is it!! Your chances of ever wooing her have sealed. You must understand that she is a girl who is comfortable with 'a guy thing' like gadgets and cars just like you are. This generalization will burst her into anger.

2. Are All Girls This Bad At Math? Suppose she is trying to solve a difficult mental calculation and you do it in seconds. Do not be discourteous and say, 'are all girls bad at maths'. There are many women who have done their PhD in mathematics, so that taunt is totally irrelevant.

3. Are You Sure You Can Drive? You are totally sloshed after a late night party and you have the insolence to ask her this question. Men just do not understand that sober women drivers cause lesser accidents than drunk men. Women can drive! Should we quote scientific data to prove it?

4. Lets Play, I Won't Let You Lose: If women wanted to play just to win, then there would be no fun in the competition. Girls don't like to hear that they are not competing as equals in any game be it cricket or basketball or chess for that matter. It is discriminative especially for a tomboy who is trying hard to break out of the mold of a typical girl.

5. You Smoke! This is one of the most irritating habits that guys have. They will be happily puffing a cigarette but if a girl asks for a lighter, they get shocked out of their wits. We agree that smoking is not the best things to do. But, why you need to confuse a heath issue with a gender taboo? Smoking will kill both in the same manner. So, wipe that surprised look off your face.

Avoid committing these mistakes if you want to win the heart win the heart of a tomboy.

Love Life Cycle (7)

• Guys who still carry bags, open doors, tell their girl that she's beautiful, and show respect... Real Men.
• Men/Women cheat when they're not afraid to lose what they already have.
• She comes off as strong, but maybe she fell asleep crying. She acts like nothing is wrong, but maybe she’s just really good at lying.
• Ladies: If you love someone more then anything, then distance only matters to the mind, not to the heart.
• Gentlemen: We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason. But one thing is sure, mistakes help us find the right person.
• Sometimes the strongest girls in the morning, are those girls that cry themselves to sleep at night.
• Girls like what they hear, boys like what they see… Thats why girls wear make-up and boys lie.
• Girls: The man who gives you unexplained happiness will always be the reason for your unexplained sadness.
• Guys take note, a lot females are allergic to the kitchen these days.
• Guys, When you love a woman more than they deserved , you end up getting hurt more than you deserve.
• So many girls fall in love with the wrong guys, simply because the wrong guys say the right things...
• If women ruled The World there would be no wars. Just a bunch of Jealous Countries Not Talking to eachother...
• When a girl thinks of her future with her boyfriend, it's normal. But when a boy thinks of his future with his girlfriend, he's serious...
• A man who truly loves you will be angry at you for so many things, but will always stick around.
• If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing.

Love Life Cycle (6)

• She cheated on her fears, broke up with her doubts, got engaged to her faith and now she marrying her dreams.
• Show her you love her when you have her, not when she already found someone better because you treated her wrong.
• Dear beautiful ladies, never look for a man to solve all of your problems. Just find one that doesn't let you face them by yourself.
• Guys: If you think you've been hurt well that's normal, only to find-out that she's also hurt by someone else.... and that's normal.
• All men in house: The more you care, the more you lose.
• Never tell your woman shut up...just tell her that her lips are sexy when they are closed.
• Girls want a lot of things from one guy; & guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
• Girls cheat when there's something wrong in the relationship. Guys cheat when there are opportunities.
• Women are stronger than men, because they can walk in a 5 inches stilettos without showing the pain...
• When a girl says ‘don’t worry about it’, you’d better worry about it.
• Smart man + smart woman = romance. Smart man + dumb woman = affair. Dumb man + smart woman = marriage. Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy.
• Trust a guy who takes you to his house to meet his parents and not his bedroom.
• The man who is not looking for multiple women, is the man multiple women are looking for..
• A girl's biggest mistake is giving another girl the opportunity to make her man smile.
• Ladies: Never settle for being someone's "other" when you have the potential to be someone's "one and only."

Love Life Cycle (5)

• Being a real man, doesn't mean you have sex with 100 girls. being a real man means; you fight for 1 girl, even when 99 others are chasing you.
• Any man can love 1000 women. It takes A Gentleman to love 1 Woman in 1000 Ways.
• A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
• Most girls say they want a "good guy", but when they meet him they keep him in the friend zone, chase after jerks & end up heartbroken.
• A real man ends a relationship before he starts searching for another one...
• Being a man is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with women.
• A girl can smile to many guys, but it takes a special guy to have her laughing with tears on her face.
• MENopause, MENstrual cramps, MENtal illness, MENtal breakdowns…ever notice that all of your problems begin with MEN ...
• Find a man that won't cheat on God & that will be the man that won't cheat on you!
• Women love to be held during a scary movie like "The Strangers" when they jump & get scared, thats your move!
• REAL men don't cheat, REAL men don't lie, REAL men actually cry, REAL men defend you, REAL men don't hit women, REAL men... where are you? 
• Ladies if he only wants your breasts, legs and thighs, send him to kfc, don't be his value meal..
• While you're ignoring him, someone else is begging for his attention.
• Relationship = 1 girl + 1 dude + 1 EX trying to destroy up everything ..
• Real man can't use any weaknesses a girl possesses and vice versa..

Love Life Cycle (4)

• Every girl has that one guy no matter how sleepy she is, she'll pick up the phone if he calls.
• A womans worst nightmare is when the guy she loves stops doing the things that made her fall in love.
• There are a lot of men in a relationship with a single woman. Sad but true!
• A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, & leaves before she is left.
• A man will love a woman for who she is. A boy will love a girl for what she looks like.
• She saw you. She wanted you. She liked you. She got you. She had you. She loved you. She got bored. She left.
• Girls Dictionary: No=yes Maybe=no We need=I want / We need to talk=I wanna complain. Guys, learn the basics.
• Ladies, you deserve to be his first place girl, not his "just in case" girl...
• Some girls don't realize what they're worth, some guys don't realize what they have.
• For all the girls that say all guys are the same ...who told you to try them all.
• All a woman really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they're not all the same..
• If shes amazing, she wont be easy. If shes easy, she wont be amazing. If shes worth it, u wont give up. If u give up, ur not worthy...
• When she stops crying over you, that means another man is making her smile...
• A man wears the pants in a relationship. But, the woman controls the zipper.
• Guys use the word friendship to start love. Girls use the word friendship to end love.