Kwa wale wanaotarajia kuoa/kuolewa

 

• Usioe wala kuolewa kwasababu ya sex.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu tu umri wako unakuruhusu.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu umechoka kuwa single.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu umempa/umepata mimba.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu ni mzuri au anapesa sana.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sifa.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu tu unapenda harusi.
• Usioe wala kuolewa kwa sababu eti marafiki zako wote wameoa/wameolewa.

 But:

• Oa ama olewa kwa sababu unataka kutimiza ulilojipangia.
• Oa ama olewa kwa sababu unataka upate msaidizi katka maisha yako ambae atakupokea kwa mikono jinsi ulivyo na si atakavyo.
• Oa ama olewa kwa sababu unataka kutimiza ahadi yako.

Dalili za mahusiano mabaya (Toxic relation)

Nikisema mtu toxic namaanisha wale watu ambao wanakuumiza akili, moyo, confidence yako na hata mawazo yako. Hizi ni dalili 5 tu ambazo zitakusaidia kujua kuwa huyo mtu ambaye upo naye katika mahusiano ni toxic ama la.

1.Katika malumbano kati yenu yeye huwa anataka kukuumiza wewe na sio kusuluhisha tatizo kati yenu.

Jamani ndugu zangu, mnatakiwa kujua kuwa ili mahusiano yenu kuwa mazuri, kuwa perfect, wewe na mwenza wako mnatakiwa mtafute njia ya kusuluhisha matatizo kati yenu. Lakini kama kila ukigombana na mwenza wako yeye always anatafuta tu njia ya kukuumiza wewe basi that person is TOXIC. Haimaanishi kuwa hamtakiwi kugombana, kila mahusiano kuna matatizo.

2.Wanafanya kila kitu kama ni mashambulizi.

Mfano ukienda kwa mwenza wako na ukataka kuongea naye kuhusu kitu ambacho hukupendezwa nacho, labda kitu alichofanya this week au alichosema. Unaweza ukamuendea kwa upendo wote lakini yeye akachukulia vibaya.

Ili kujua  hili, fikiria kwa sasa katika mahusiano yenu, Je unauhuru wa kumuendea mwenza wako kuhusu jambo lolote? Huna uwoga kwamba nikimuambia kitu fulani ataishia kukasirika tu, kama huwezi basi ujue kuwa haupo kwenye uhusiano salama.

3.Wanakufanya wewe ndio sababu ya kila tatizo katika mahusiano yenu.

Hapa inakuwa kila tatizo, kila kitu kibaya kitakachotokea ndani ya mahusiano yenu ni kosa lako, wewe ndio utakuwa unalaumiwa kwa kila kitu. Utaambiwa kuwa wewe ndio tatizo na wewe ndio huelewi. Badala ya kukubali kuwa yeye ndio amefanya kosa ni lazima tu atatafuta njia ya kugeuza mambo na kukufanya wewe ndio uonekane ndio mwenye kosa.

Toxic people yani wanajua kudanganya na kuendesha watu. Wanaweza kukufanya kuwa wewe ndio mwenye tatizo hata kama yeye ndio mwenye kosa. Ukimuacha mtu kama huyo kuendelea kukuendesha au ukiendelea kuwa katika mahusiano na mtu kama huyo ni lazima ataharibu ujasiri wako, no matter how strong and confident you are.

4.Atakuonesha upendo mkubwa sana pindi ukiwa chini.

Tatizo kubwa la toxic people ni kuwa baada ya kukuumiza, kukusingizia vitu, kukufanya ujisikie huna maana, ( ndipo watakufanya uamini kuwa yeye tu ndio anakupenda, kuwa hakuna mtu mwingine zaidi yake yeye atayekupenda, na ukiamini hiki ndio kinampa nguvu ya kukufanyia chochote anachotaka ). So baada ya kukuumiza na wewe ndio upo at your lowest point, hapo ndio atakuonesha upendo kubwa zaidi ya siku zote, akishagundua kuwa umeumia ndio na yeye hujishusha.

Hii ni kwasababu katika kipindi ambacho wewe unaujsari na huumii, yeye anajiona kama hana nguvu juu yako, na hivyo  anataka yeye ndio awe mwenye nguvu.

5.Anakuwa hana Furaha na mafanikio yako.

Atakushusha hata kama unafanya vizuri katika maisha yako, ni lazima tu atatafuta njia ya kukufanya uone kuwa mafanikio yako sio ya muhimu, like it is not a big deal. Hata kama umefanikiwa kupata kitu ulichokuwa unakifanyia kazi kwa muda mrefu, kamwe hatosherekea na wewe, atabadilisha topic, na kuanza kuelezea kitu kingine au atatafuta tatizo lolote tu.

Hii ni kwasababu toxic people wanapenda wewe uwe chini, usimpite kwenye chochote, iwe mshahara mnayopokea, mafanikio mnayopata, furaha yaani kwa kila kitu yeye ndio anataka kuwa juu yako. Yeye tu ndio anataka awe mtu anayekupa furaha ndio maana atakuweka chini kwa kila jambo zuri litakalokutokea ili ukisha-break sasa yeye ndio apate nafasi ya kuja kukunyanyua tena.

Aina za wanaume waliopo kwenye mahusiano ambao wanawake wanawavumilia tu

(1) Wanaojiona kama Wafalme (King Husband);

Hii ni aina ya wanaume ambao hutaka kusujudiwa kama wafalme na hupenda kuwafanya wake zao kuwa kama watumwa. Hawafanyi chochote ndani ya nyumba kazi yao ni kutumatuma hata kama mke anaumwa atapaswa kuamka na kupika, wanataka waheshimiwe wao tu na mwanamke akikosea kidogo ni maneno au kipigo. Mwanamke hana kauli ndani na mume akiingia nyumbani ni kama bosi anavyoingia ofisini, wote kimya hakuna hata kuongea.

(2) Wanaume wanaojihisi bado hawajaoa (Bachelor Husband);

Hii ni aina ya wanaume ambao hawawashirikishi wake zao kwa chochote. Hufanya mambo kama vile bado hawajaoa, hutumia muda wao mwingi na marafiki zao wakifanya mambo ambayo mke hata hayajui, mke anaweza kustukizia tu mume kanunua gari bila kumshirikisha na mume haonyeshi hata kujali kuweza kumshirikisha. Hajali kama ana mke na mda mwingi huutumia akiwa na marafiki kufanya mambo yasiyo na msingi ambayo hayana mnanufaa yoyote katika ndoa yake.

(3) Wanaume wenye gubu (Acidic Husband);

Hawa hukasirika kila mara tena bila kua na sababu ya msingi, mambo hayaishi, kosa la mwaka juzi anaweza kukukasirikia leo. Wamemuudhi kazini hataki kusemeshwa na mnanuniwa nyinyi, mwanamke akiomba hela ya chakula ni shida ni kununa kutwa nzima, wanahasira na nirahisi kumpiga mke.

(4) Mume wa kila mtu (General Husband);

Hawa wanajifanya wasamaria wema, wanajali kila mwanamke, wanajali marafiki wakike wa mke na wakwao kuliko wanavyowajali wake zao. Mke anaweza kuwa na shida akasema hana hela lakini rafiki akampa. Wana marafiki wengi wakike na mara nyingi huwa hawaachani kabisa na ma X wao, wakiwalalamikia wanawasaidia kuliko hata wanavyowasidia wake zao wakati wakiwa na shida.

(5) Wanaume wanaojifanya wagumu (Dry Husband);

Hawa wanajifanya wagumu sana, hawana yale mambo ya kimahaba na wao hujua kuwa ndoa ni kuleta chakula tu na kushughulika kitandani. Hakuna kuongea na hawajali hata hisia za mke, mke akiongea kwao wala hawajali wanajifanya ni vidume sana na wanaona mambo kama vizawadi, kupiga simu, kutuma sms, kusema nakupenda, kununua maua ni mambo ya kike, yaani hawaonyeshi juhudi yoyote kuwafurahisha wekea zao.

(6) Wanaume wanaopenda kutumia wake zao (Panadol Husband);

Hawa huwa wanaume pale tu wanapokuwa na shida, wanakuwa na wake wazuri wanaowajali lakini wao wala hawajali. Wanapomhitaji mwanamke, wanapotaka mwanamke awafanyie kitu flani basi huja na maneno mazuri na hata kuleta vizawadi, wanajua udhauifu wa wake zao na huutumia kuwalaghai kuwatimizia mahitaji yao lakini wanapotimiziwa tu basi husahau hata kama wanawake, hawajali tena.

(7) Wanaume ambao hawataki kukua (Baby Husband);

Bado wanatabia za kitoto, hawawezi kufanya maamuzi yao wenyewe mpaka kuuliza kwa ndugu zao, mtu kaoa lakini kila siku humpigia simu Mama yake kuuliza hiki na kile. Yaani wakiongea kitu na mke nilazima aulize ndugu kwanza ndiyo kipitishwe na mke akifanya kosaakidogo kazi nikulinganisha mke na ndugu zake, mbona flani alifanya hivi, flani anaweza fanya zaidi na mambo kama hayo. Kwa kifupi hawawezi kufanya maamuzi na mkewe, ndugu zake hasa Mama yake anakuwa kama shemeu ya ndoa.

(8) Mume Mtalii (Visiting Husband);

Hawa wanakuja nyumbani kama wageni vile, mume ataihudumia familia yake kwa kila kitu lakini hawezi kuipa muda wake. Akirudi mke na watoto wamelala ni kugonga na hana sababu za msingi za kuchelewa, hata mwisho wawiki hupenda kutumia na marafiki au ndugu lakini si na mke. Hakuna kitu cha pamoja ambacho anafanya na mkewe au watoto wake, kila akiingia tu anakua na safari ya kutoka yaani hata atoke akakae nnje tu lakini si kukaa na mke au watoto.

(9) Wanaume wanaofuatilia kila kitu (Stalking Husband);

Hii ni aina ya wanaume ambao hufuatilia kila kitu, huchunguza kila kitu mwanamke anachofanya na hawampi pumzi. Akienda sehemu atachunguza anaenda na nani na alikutana na nani, huwa na wivu wa ajabu ajabu na kila saa huhisi wake zao ni wasaliti. Kila mtu mwanamke anayeongea naye wa jinsia tofauti huhisi ni mchepuko na hata marafiki wa mke wakike pia huhisi wanamkuwadia, kwakifupi hampi pumzi mwanamke.

(10) Mwanaume mbahili (Miserly Husband);

Huyu anaweza kuwa na hela lakini mbahili ajabu. Akimpa mwanamke hela atafuatilia matumizi yake mpaka senti ya mwisho, anafuatilia mpaka mambo ya jikoni. Sukari ikiisha anataka ajue iliisha ishaje na kila mara huhisi mke anamuibia hela labda akajenge kwao, huwa msumbufu sana na mgumu kutoa hela. Mwanamke akifikiria mchakato wa kuomba hela kwa mume hukata tamaa na wakati mwingine kuamua tu kukaa kimya na matatizo yake.

Hiyo ni baadhi tu ya aina ya wanaume ambao wanawake wengi wasingependa kuwa nao. Kama mwanaume upo hivyo jua mke wako hafurahii na anavumilia tu. Ndoa ni furaha amua kubadilika na usimfanye mke wako kuishi na wewe kwa kujilazimisha. Kama ni mume jiulize uko namba ngapi hapo na kama ni mke mezea namba ya mumeo.

Ukiona dalili hizi ujue ashadata kwako

1. Atakutega kupata attention yako.Hufanya mambo ambayo yatamfanya kuona kama unampenda au lah! Mf wa mambo hayo ni kujifanya anaumwa na kuangalia respond yako kwake ni kiasi gani unamjalina kiasi gani utahangaika kwa ajili yake.

2. Haoni aibu kugusa sehemu yako yamwili. Msichana anayependa haoni aibu kukushika mkono ama kukutomosa au hata kukumbatia. Kwa kufanya hivyo hujua kuwa kwa asilimia kubwa hisia zakushikana kwenu kutamrahisishia kazi yakuwa na wewe.

3. Kucheka kwa nguvu hata kwa kitukisicho chekesha endapo wewe umezungumza. Mara nyingi ataonesha uso wa furaha hata kama si furaha ya kweli.

4. Wivu hujisikia wivu anapokuona na wasichana wengine. Ukiwa unachat nao na ukiwaita majina ya kimahaba hapendi.

5. Anakumbuka siku zako muhimu.Hukumbuka kama vile siku yako yakuzaliwa hatoweza kuisahau kufanya ipite bila kukutakia heri ya siku ya kuzaliwa kama sivyo ukifaulu mtihani au chochote katika maisha yako atakuwa mbele kukupongeza.

6. Eye contact anapenda kukuangalia machoni muda wote ambao mtakuwa mkizungumza pamoja akidhani kuwa utaelewa ni kiaisi gani anakupenda kupitia vile ambavyo anakuangalia.Ila wengine huona aibu kuwatazamawavulana wanaowapenda si wote wanaujasiri wa kuwatazama wapenzi wao.

7. Hupenda kukaa mudamwingi na wewe. Hawezi kupoteza hata sekunde ukimuhitaji kwa mazungumzo. Anajisikia furaha kukaa na wewe muda mrefu bilakuchoka. Anaweza akaacha kila kituanachokifanya ili ajumuike na wewe.

8. Yupo tayari kuangamiza kama msichana anakupenda yupo tayari kusacrifice. Ni kitu ambacho hakuna mtu ambaye anaweza akafanya kwa mtumwingine. Utaona vipi huyo msichana alivyo kwako na wa wengine.Yaani yupo tayari yeye akose lakini wewe upate na kwa mwingine anaweza akamwambia hana alichoombwa, lakini akakupa wewe kama pesa na vitu vingine.

9. Anachukulia matatizo yako kama ni yake. Unapomueleza kuwa ana tatizo anajali tatizo lako kama vile ni lake na hujisikia vibaya sana na kuhuzunika na atafanya lolote ili aweze kukusaidia utoke katika hilo tatizo.

10. Mikwaruzano ikitokea katika urafiki wenu hayupo tayari kukupoteza kabla hajakuambia anakupenda. Kwa kuwa anakupenda endapo ikatokea mikwaruzano basi atafanya juu chini kuyaweka mambo sawa ili asikukose.

Proven Signs you’re in Love

2016 is approaching to an end. You have a Valentine…but are you really in love with him or her? With your head spinning from all the heart-shape chocolates and red roses, it can be tough to figure out. Fortunately, scientists have pinned down exactly what it means to "fall in love."

Researchers have found that an in-love brain looks very different from one experiencing mere lust, and it's also unlike a brain of someone in a long-term, committed relationship. Studies led by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and one of the leading experts on the biological basis of love, have revealed that the brain's "in love" phase is a unique and well-defined period of time.

"This one's special"

When you're in love, you begin to think your beloved is unique. The belief is coupled with an inability to feel romantic passion for anyone else. Fisher and her colleagues believe this single-mindedness results from elevated levels of central dopamine  a chemical involved in attention and focus  in your brain.

"She's perfect"

People who are truly in love tend to focus on the positive qualities of their beloved, while overlooking his or her negative traits. They also focus on trivial events and objects that remind them of their loved one, day-dreaming about these precious little moments and mementos. This focused attention is also thought to result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central nor-epinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli

"I'm a wreck!"

As is well known, falling in love often leads to emotional and physiological instability. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. These mood swings parallel the behavior of drug addicts. And indeed, when in-love people are shown pictures of their loved ones, it fires up the same regions of the brain that activate when a drug addict takes a hit. Being in love, researchers say, is a form of addiction.

"Overcoming the challenge made us closer"

Going through some sort of adversity with another person tends to intensify romantic attraction. Central dopamine may be responsible for this reaction, too, because research shows that when a reward is delayed, dopamine-producing neurons in the mid-brain region become more productive.

"I'm obsessed with him"

People who are in love report that they spend, on average, more than 85 percent of their waking hours musing over their "love object." Intrusive thinking, as this form of obsessive behavior is called, may result from decreased levels of central serotonin in the brain, a condition that has been associated with obsessive behavior previously. (Obsessive-compulsive disorder is treated with serotonin-reuptake inhibitors.)

"I wish we could be together all the time"

People in love regularly exhibit signs of emotional dependency on their relationship, including possessiveness, jealousy, fear of rejection, and separation anxiety.

"I hope we stay together forever"

They also long for emotional union with their beloved, seeking out ways to get closer and day-dreaming about their future together.

"I'd do anything for her"

People who are in love generally feel a powerful sense of empathy toward their beloved, feeling the other person's pain as their own and being willing to sacri?ce anything for the other person.

"Would he like this outfit?"

Falling in love is marked by a tendency to reorder your daily priorities and/or change your clothing, mannerisms, habits or values in order for them to better align with those of your beloved.

"Can we be exclusive?"

Those who are deeply in love typically experience sexual desire for their beloved, but there are strong emotional strings attached: The longing for sex is coupled with possessiveness, a desire for sexual exclusivity, and extreme jealousy when the partner is suspected of infidelity. This possessiveness is thought to have evolved so that an in-love person will compel his or her partner to spurn other suitors, thereby insuring that the couple's courtship is not interrupted until conception has occurred. [5 Strange Courting Rituals from Around the World]

"It's not about sex"

While the desire for sexual union is important to people in love, the craving for emotional union takes precedence.  A study found that 64 percent of people in love (the same percentage for both sexes) disagreed with the statement, “Sex is the most important part of my relationship with [my partner]."

"I feel out of control"

Fisher and her colleagues found that individuals who report being "in love" commonly say their passion is involuntary and uncontrollable.

"The spark is gone"

Unfortunately, being in love usually doesn't last forever. It's an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term, codependent relationship that psychologists call "attachment," or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly for example, if the relationship is long-distance then the "in love" phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.